Letter to an Army Wife on her Wedding Day

Dearest Brand New Army Wife,

Welcome to the military and Congratulations on your marriage with that SPECIAL one!

I’m one of the people that believe military wives are special and the strongest women on earth……Hahaha……Just like the soldiers too.

The last I got your message requesting for my presence at your wedding and seeking advice about what military spouse life entails, I and my soldier planned on attending your wedding even if not for anything but to rejoice with you.

Above all, within myself, it would have rekindled memories of when I did my military wedding too. Happy memories such as the presentation of the sword, the sword crossing ceremony amongst other interesting events.

However, just like I told you in my message then, the military offers lots of opportunities in which you get to see the world with your soldier.

SO, I’m out of the country right now as my soldier is on foreign attachment and the Coronavirus pandemic has placed certain restrictions on international travels from certain countries. I honestly wish I could’ve been there.

Nevertheless, today is a special day in your life therefore, take pleasure in this beautiful day that will forever be your anniversary!

I would like to remind you that this day shall pass, but your journey as a wife and military spouse start afterward and there’s absolutely no manual with all the right information for “Military Spouse Life”. However, I will give you a few pieces of advice that will go a long way to pull you through.

First, as you begin this walk today, I want you to know that you made the right decision. Always remember that a successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

I’m not saying it’s going to be all ROSY. But, the love you share and the commitment to be there for each other will see you guys through.

Also, there are many factors that contribute to a healthy and long-lasting marriage. Such as; Love, Commitment, Trust, Good Communication, Honesty, Patience, Tolerance, Openness, Respect, Emotional closeness, Constructive management of arguments, Willingness to apologize/forgive, Willingness to see another’s viewpoint, Sexual closeness, and Faithfulness. You can read a more elaborate post on this here.

Military life is just like a roller coaster ride. But, it takes a strong person to roll with the punches and STAY. You have to be on your knees praying and don’t be afraid of anything. Because it takes women with guts of steel to choose this path.

So my dear, brace yourself and always prepare for anything that could happen(the unexpected), the best you can.

And by this I mean, anniversaries, childbirths, birthdays, and thanksgiving as you might have to run the show in his absence.

Most importantly, as much as I hate saying this, I’m going to say it anyway. Because it’s important to prepare for anything that could happen.

Therefore, prepare for the possibility of death or injury as well if not to your soldier, to his colleagues or close friends that you’ve come to know and see as part of your family. As I’ve seen some close friends turning widows overnight.

This might be difficult but it’s inevitable therefore it’s best to be prepared because there’s a lot of risks attached to the job and that is one of the sad realities of being a soldier’s wife. 

Also, know that the best thing you can do for yourself is to always remember “YOU“ therefore, keep fit, have your own friends and career. NO MATTER WHAT!. This is because the military isn’t forever SO have a life you can always fall back to!

There’s going to be lots of accompanied deployments and I must confess, I always look forward to it. Please, please and please girl, make sure you enjoy life wherever the military sends you and take advantage of anything and everything around you.

On the other hand, there are going to be unaccompanied deployments as well and SEPERATION IS NOT FUN AT ALL. It’s one of the major problems most military families face but don’t let it bother you……YOU’VE GOT THIS!

SO, my dear, I encourage you to cut your spouse some slack and trust him wherever he is. Talk things out if something doesn’t seem right and focus on the positives. In the long run, E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G will be OK.

Always know that “IF” at all, there’s any case of infidelity on his part, “THEY NEVER REALLY LEAVE THEIR WIVES” No matter the bullshit they tell their girlfriends…..It’s always for the moment so they could get what they want.

Please and please, do not compare your partner to another man…It’s toxic. You wouldn’t want him to compare you to his beautiful EX, would you? Try to accept his strengths, weaknesses and do not try to change him.

JUST GIVE WHATEVER TIME…..Time heals everything!

I want to take the time to congratulate you two again.

Wishing you a blissful married life!!

With much love

Treasure James

( @treasurethesoldierswife )