Treasure 
Let me start by sharing a story that happened in this country in 2015. A young lady was raped at gunpoint by a man that shares the same apartment with her fiance. When he was arrested, he claimed the lady needed to be taught a lesson because she disrespected herself by the way she was dressed which seduced him. Meanwhile, no one asked what he was wearing.
He never served time for assault or sexual harassment because he was the son of a certain prominent man in this country. Everyone neglected the fact that a lady was violated and chose to focus on the status of the perpetrator by finding a way to blame the victim.
Even her fiance left her and canceled their wedding because he was filled with shame and embarrassment. He felt someone was there, therefore he can’t go back in there.
I think it’s high time loved ones of rape victims begin to stand with them, support and help them fight for justice. Because to not have a victim’s suffering recognized is an almost unbearable form of violence. No one deserves that. Rape is never the victim’s fault. It wasn’t her fault. It was caused by the rapist, not her outfit.
Anyway, a few months later, the rapist had a ghastly car accident and died on the spot. It’s always been said:
“Karma has everyone’s address“. SO, do we now say karma fixed it?
If you rape someone, it doesn’t matter that you’re rich…..YOU FUCKING RAPED SOMEONE!
No one has the right to rape!
Perpetrators will never understand the damage they did to someone until the same thing is done to them or their loved ones.
Young men need to be socialized in such a way that rape is as unthinkable to them as cannibalism!
Rape is one of the most terrible crimes on earth, and it can happen anywhere. It’s just another word until it happens to you or your loved one. Then, it’s a pain you live with especially when you don’t get justice.
I believe men rape women because they don’t care not because they don’t know what “NO” means. My dad is a lover of dogs so I grew up in a house with several dogs, I know even dogs understand the word “NO“.
Now, Let me explain the difference between rape and consent to men who still don’t get it.
Rape is sex with somebody unable to consent. It’s not another type of sex. Rape and consensual sex are two separate events. It’s either consensual sex or rape.
Let’s look at it this way…,
“If a person hits you with a hoe, you wouldn’t call it gardening…Would you?”
No, Right???
Ok then, in other words,
- Showing cleavage is not consent.
- A tight outfit is not consent.
- A mini skirt is not consent.
- We’ve had sex before is not consent.
- Drunk is not consent.
- Alone is not consent.
- If you make her afraid to say “NO“, it’s not consent.
“YES” means only one thing…,
Freely given consent where both person’s needs, wants, and desires are an integral part of the interaction.
Rape is an unexpected thing and as such, every woman must take necessary measures to ensure she doesn’t get raped. In Africa, when a crime of rape is committed then you as a woman were careless. This has always been our mindset in this part of the world and this is also one of the reasons women don’t report rape.
Because the victim will be made to feel like the guilty one trying to prove her innocence.
She may be asked questions like;
- What were you wearing?
- Are you sure that’s what happened?
- Were you drunk?
- What did you do to provoke him that he had no choice but to rape you?
- Did you scream?
- What were you doing over at his house?
- Do you have proof that it wasn’t consensual?
- Aren’t you a sex worker? You no be ashawo? (pidgin)
- Did you report because you were not paid?
- What were you doing out at that hour of the day?
You’ll also hear comments like;
- You’re exaggerating, that’s what boys do!
- You should have been more careful.
- I don’t believe you.
- But, you weren’t a virgin, shut up and go home.
Now, let me state this again…,
Rape is not caused by tight clothes, flirting, or drunk girls but by rapists.
If rape was about how revealing clothes are, women in burka wouldn’t get raped and rape rates would also increase in summer…..but it doesn’t.
Let me ask this important question,
If I see you’re not wearing any protective headgear, does that give me the right to smash your skull with a hammer?
I mean you asked for it since you were not wearing something to protect your head.
Please, please and please, don’t humiliate girls and believe they were asking for it because of their outfits.
Again,
If rape was about how much sex they’ve had in the past, virgins and babies in diapers wouldn’t get raped, but they do
Lastly,
If rape was about her drinking too much, women who don’t drink or sober people wouldn’t get raped.
Let’s stop this rape culture that shames victims for being “too drunk“, then defending a man by saying his actions were influenced by alcohol.
In rural areas in my country, women who had been raped are too afraid to say so because there’s also this mindset that if you’ve been raped, then no one will ever want to marry you.
Victims of rape are afraid of not only their rapist but their families and the community as well. The community itself will judge them. Oftentimes, their families encourage them to hide the crime and it’s wrong!
At other times, women who do not have money to pursue rape cases in court take the matter before their traditional leaders. The most justice they would get is….an apology. Then, the perpetrator would be asked never to do that again.
As much as I hate to think of this, there are some cases where the rapist is asked to marry the victim and this is often considered…. the better part of the deal.
My advice…,
Becoming a victim of rape is not a choice but becoming a survivor is. Rape victims should report and share their ordeal with reliable people and professionals as well because an untold story never heals.
Furthermore…
Sharing of apartments has caused more harm than good to military families. It’s now obvious that rape can happen anywhere.
Since the military cannot provide decent accommodation for the soldiers, it wouldn’t be a bad idea if an “affordable housing loan” is provided for the soldiers who can’t afford to own a home.
