The Dependapotamus

– According to the urban dictionary: A dependapotamus is traditionally, a service member’s dependent who is a “stay-at-home mom” that doesn’t do a damn thing all day besides sitting on the couch looking remarkably similar to Jabba the hut leaching off military benefits and eating anything that gets too close.

The dependapotamus is a spouse of a military service member whose symbiotic relationship is parasitic. These creatures seek to take advantage of the trusting nature of the more inexperienced service member by birthing live children to him to establish a link that would be more work to be rid of than to keep. By bearing multiple children, the desire to flee from the parasitic clutches of the happy-like dependapotamus is often reduced to such a low that the service member settles for his misfortune and does not leave.

OK…Interesting!

Well…My definition is slightly different based on our context. You’ll soon find out the traits of our DEPENDAPOTAMUS. But before I begin, I wish to state that every military spouse and child is a dependent. However, not all spouses are dependapotamus.

You may wonder why I chose this topic today, and dependas squad will be furious when they read it…LOL

But, I write to provoke discussions, make people think, or challenge the status quo.

I’ll begin with the funniest joke I’ve ever heard, “The military wife is a rank ahead of her husband.”

Hilarious, Right?

In the military, it’s a tradition that spouses are often said to rank ahead of their service members (yet it’s not captured in any document). So, for example, if the soldier is a Colonel, the wife is assumed to be a Brigadier General. I’m going to use wives because they make all the drama.

By the way, the tradition is often a sign of courtesy to the spouses; however, some spouses, especially the wives, take the joke to the extreme and see themselves as wearing the imaginary ranks and hence do not want to engage in any form of productive lifestyle other than to lord the husbands ranks in the face of WHOEVER cares and wait for the service member’s salary and allowances. Those are the wives I call the DEPENDAPOTAMUS.

The dependapotamus comes in all shapes and sizes and are usually significantly mature (old) women; however, they still see themselves as youngies… Hehehehe

All they do is gossip, laziness, and party about town. Such wives always wish to be identified at all times by their husband’s rank; hence they can’t introduce themselves without mentioning their husbands’ names and positions (I’m Gen. so and so’s wife).

Hahahaha

Often, they’re insecure and never want any FEMALE around their spouses. They have a habit of always wanting to infuse themselves in their husband’s official jobs. Oh! Yes, they want to know the decisions he makes at work and why he makes such decisions. They want to check his call logs secretly, know where he goes, who visited him at work, and WHY. But, C’mon, babe, your husband serves, not you.

They even try to influence the transfers and nominations of junior soldiers that work directly with their husbands, including interfering with the subordinate soldiers’ personal lives. And in some extreme cases, they believe the families of their husband’s subordinates should also be accountable to them by always dancing to their whims and caprices. Hence, the dependapotamus believe the soldiers’ families are an informal unit led by her as the Commander...Hahahaha. I sometimes wonder how they’ll cope after leaving military society.

Such wives are shameless and dangerous to society and their husbands’ careers. Try arguing with them in town; the next thing you’ll see is a truckload of soldiers (if their husbands have a command under them). In some cases, they’ll drag their husbands, whom they have succeeded in making miserable along too.

It baffles me whenever I see older women who are dependapotamus, and I wonder how they wasted their lives that way.

What must have caused it?

Could it be the environment where they were born and raised?

OR

Just peer pressure?

My 2 cents:

Over a decade and a half ago, as a young army wife, I figured out that I’m yet to see the wives of Jeff Bezos, Aliko Dangote, and Bill Gates on the list of wealthiest women. And, please, for those who know Folorunsho Alakija, have you seen her husband on the list of wealthiest men?

This means YOU are YOU!

Therefore understand there’s love in sharing, but peace, fulfillment, and respect in having your own. I understood early in life that financial independence is suitable for everyone, men and women alike; therefore, I forged my path and tools to succeed in life as ME and to become the woman I wanted to be.

YOU can still find what fires you up and get a LIFE!